"LIVING WITH A HUSBAND WHO DOES NOT OBEY THE WORD"

As many of you know, many years ago my husband and I were on the brink of divorce. We had come to the point to where we felt we no longer loved each other and that we had made a mistake in marrying. There were so many things that I believed that my husband was wrong about. Not only that, but we had completely different points of view on things, too, and our likes and dislikes were almost always opposites. This created many problems and points of contention. I also believed my husband was unspiritual, and I believed this caused him to make decisions that were not good, nor were best for us and our family. My mission, I thought, was to change him. In my self-righteousness, I did not believe I could be in submission to him, while he was this way.

I would like to say that, under most circumstances, to expose the past faults of one's spouse is not "honoring" to them. That is why I rarely bring these things up, and don't usually give the details. However, my husband and I both realize that at times we must bring up the past in order to help other young couples who are having similar problems.

At that time years ago, even if my husband was unspiritual, the WORD OF GOD showed me that my attitude and rebellion proved that I was no different from him. This knowledge came as I began to study the scriptures. I may not have been guilty of the same things as my husband, but my rebellion was against what the Word of God says about marriage, and especially about my duties and role in my marriage.

Our Lord Jesus Christ, when He was on earth, told his followers, in Matt 7:

Matt 7:3-5
3 "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 "Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 "Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye."

I had to come to realize, "How could I presume to judge my husband, when I was seriously lacking in following the Word of God myself?" "How could I go about trying to cast the mote out of his eye, when I had a beam in mine own?" The Lord showed me through the scriptures, that He wanted to change me FIRST; that I must conform to HIS Word before I could judge or expect my husband to change!

For many wives this is such a difficult concept to accept. We wives usually want our husbands to change, to become the godly men the Lord would have them to be, and then when that happens, we believe we will be able to be in submission to them. We just don't think we should have to be in submission to a man who is unspiritual. When they become godly, we reason, then we will be able to serve them and be godly wives.

This attitude sounds good and feels good to the flesh but it is contrary to the scriptures. Of course it would be wonderful, if it did happen in that order. It is true that the man who practices what Eph. 5 says to him, makes it easier for his wife to be in submission to him. He causes them as a couple to grow in love and harmony. But if he doesn't, the scriptures prove that a wife must see to it that she obeys the Word from her heart, whether her husband does or not.

We find in I Peter 2 and 3 a wonderful, clear passage about this principle.

1 Peter 2:18-3:6

18 "Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.
19 "For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.
20 "For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.
21 "For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:
22 "Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:
23 "Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:
24 "Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness&ldots;"
Ch. 3
1 "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 "While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3 "Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4 "But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5 "For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6 "Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."

  "SUBJECTION"

The scriptures say in I Peter 3, that a woman who has a husband who does not obey the Word, (this would include the saved as well as the unsaved husband), must be in subjection to him. Notice that she does not preach to him, for the passage says he is won "without the word", by her "chaste conversation", which includes her subjection to him! "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; ...that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear."

Your submission, wives, is what convicts and wins your husbands! Without it, the Lord can't use you to win him!

  "LIKEWISE", LIKE WHAT?

When studying I Peter 3, a wife must always look at the first word, "Likewise". This word always refers to something previously said. It always means, "like" something said before, so we must always ask, "Like what?" "Likewise" refers back to I Peter 2, where we find the admonition to servants to be subject to their masters. "Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward." These servants are told to be subject to the good masters, as well as to the mean, cruel and ungodly ones.

The Lord says, "For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God."

  WHY? TO BE LIKE CHRIST!

Why would God give such in instruction? He explains in the next few verses why. It is to be like Christ! It is the very attitude that Christ had when he went to the cross and suffered for us, paying the penalty for our sins, even though we are the ones who deserved to be punished. In taking the attitude that Christ had, we show our husbands and the world around us, a picture of what Christ did for us! This is truly what convicts!

Verses 21-24 admonish us:
21 "For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:
22 "Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:
23 "Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:
24 "Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness&ldots;"

Christ suffered so much for us, can we not obey Him and suffer for HIS sake? A wife may have to suffer, and take it patiently, in order for her husband to be won by her subjection to him. So we can easily see that the Lord instructs wives to be in submission to their husbands, and to reverence them, whether they deserve it or not. It is the Lord's way and is the only way, according to the scriptures.

Ephesians 5 also bears witness that this principle is true for all dispensations.

We are told in Ephesians 5:22-24:
22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 "Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
And verse 32 says: "...and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

The only thing we have left to do, women, is to believe the scriptures and obey them. We must submit ourselves to the Lord FIRST! This means submitting ourselves to His written will for us! We can see through these verses that the scriptures prove that God tells wives to be in submission to the unspiritual and the "froward", as well as to spiritually minded husbands.

  THE LORD'S BUSINESS!

When I began to believe the Word of God and obey what it says to ME, I found that my husband also began to change, little by little. I know now that the Lord was working in his heart as He was in my own, and that it wasn't up to me to change my husband. It was the Lord's work and not mine.

We stayed together through those tough times, and the Lord has blessed us for it. We now have a deep and enduring love and are the best of companions, with much in common. Our children were raised with an intact family unit, which is so much better for their emotional well-being.

I would like to challenge women everywhere to believe what the scriptures say to you, to obey the Lord's instructions written there, and to turn your husbands over to the Lord. Allow the Lord to work in your husband's heart. Trust the Lord and realize that your husband is the Lord's business!

I believe the "chaste conversation" of I Peter 3:1-6 includes not only submission, but many things. As the Lord allows, I will continue this study at a later date.

With my prayers for all of you,

Mary Atwood